Feeling Nostalgic


Hi,

If my calculations are correct, you will receive this letter immediately after you saw the DeLorean struck by lightning. First, let me assure you that I’m alive and well. I’ve been living happily these past 8 months in the year 1885.

Actually I’ve been happily living Manchester for the last 8 WEEKS, and I don’t own a DeLorean, however I am alive and well. It’s nearly 2am and I’ve been really nostalgic recently. I’m not sure whether it’s because it’s Christmas, or whether being this far away again is putting my old life into prospective. I thought I should blog about it though because… well I used to blog about this stuff all the time. In fact I feel like my online presence in recent years has been a bit rubbishy.

The thing I think that makes me think it’s been like that is… well me doing this stuff, writing for fun and having that online presence is a big part of me that I’ve kind of just pushed aside to do other things, and not really given myself time to reflect on it.

Obviously things have changed over the years. I was looking on my Facebook and also on this blog, going back 5 years I was actually writing things that made sense with real words – where if u go bak 10 years ago I wrote mostly in txt spk and was mostly about how depressed I felt,

I think I just didn’t really think or wasn’t really bothered about what I wrote, just so I could moan and tell you about how stupid my life was and hope you laughed at me. That was basically how I lived life. Did silly stuff in the hope someone would find it funny. I know it might have made me look stupid, but I didn’t mind… There was thought behind it. Since going to uni though, I felt like in some respects I needed to come across like I knew what i was on about, but wanted to keep my trademark quirky-ness, and was able to do that by being creative.

Nowadays I only get away with acting like a wally when I walk around Tesco making jokes and getting told off… It drives Aphre furious because I spend ages walking around the store and she’s got shopping in mind. The kids love it but I should be more considerate tbh. You can guess how I felt when I saw LadBaby doing the exact thing and posting it online… Why did i not do this before?!

I grew out of deliberately being silly for fun… I mean other than being properly depressed for 2 years I kind of just shook it off. I know I still come across these days like I don’t know what I’m talking about. More than anything it’s confidence nowadays. I know things but I’m not always able to express it so well.

Recently whilst I’ve been walking back home after taking Finn to school (mostly in the rain) I’ve had my headphones on. I got some Sony ones a few weeks back because I need to get my good Behringer ones fixed. I don’t know if it’s the Sony logo in fast love…

fony

… or the quality… or just that I’m just very reflective recently… but I’ve had loads of thoughts whilst listing to my music again recently, whatever the reason is… it’s had one result… I’ve realised I’ve lost touch.

It got me thinking about the relationships I built up as a kid, and experiences, and I’ve realised that I’ve burried some memories. Not sure why… but I know there was a lot of shit going on then and I think I’ve covered over some good stuff… My most memorable years of my life are just… well… a blur really.

This has made me think a lot about my school years. I’m going to rewind a bit now to 1997. Here’s a song to get you in the mood… Now there’s a point to all this… just roll with it (as Oasis once said)…

Now if there’s a song to travel back in time to it’s that right?

It’s January-ish 1996… Happy new year! Christmas has just happened. The christmas just gone must have been the one when I got a plastic mouse in my Christmas Cracker that I got in my stocking, and whilst on the top bunk I dropped it on the floor and shouted for my Mum. Me and my brother Ben shouting “MUMMY! MOUSE! MOUSE”. She comes in and asks what the noise is (Steve, her husband to be is cross that we’re up at 6am at Christmas day… fucking idiot) and then we shout “MOUSE” She looses her shit and jumps onto our bunk bed and then we reveal it’s plastic. Best prank on my mum ever. Anyway… She got married on her birthday so I’m sure there was a lot of interesting times I’ve hidden away.

My room has a picture of Snoop Dogg on the wall (because Steve decided that he wanted to put it on the wall for some reason). I have no idea who Snoop Dogg is at this point… but I watch a lot of MTV so doesn’t take me long. I watch a lot of Bevis And Butthead. I’ve just transferred secondary schools because I was at Hreod Park Way. I live in Swindon – Middleleaze in West Swindon. I didn’t go to Greendown because there’s some kids on my street who were dickheads, so sending me there would be like sending me to bully grand central. I wanted to go to Braydon Forest but Steve (Fucking Idiot) wanted me to go to Hreod because he used to go there. It’s in fucking Morden, which from Middleleaze is a ball ache to get to. It’s a 45 minute walk according to google maps.

So where was the next logical place to go? Well my dad lived in Walcot, in a 1 bed, and offered me to stay over on some of the weekdays. He lived not far from Oakfield Secondary. I’d go there some lunch times just to have some cheap mini pizzas instead of the optional nothing. I liked staying at my dads. I spend my NYE 1995-1996 watching L!VE TV with him. L!VE TV was a corny little channel you could get on cable that had a new bunny, topless darts, dwarf weather and a couple of other “Classic” programming

Going to Oakfield was strange because when I was a kid, I lived in Park North and went to Park North Infants (Changed to Goddard Park not long after I’d left) and a lot of the kids I’d left at the age of 6 were all 11 and 12.

I started to gain some friends at the school. The ones that stuck out were Paul L, and Luke, later to be joined by another Paul (Paul G), and a guy called Graham. Paul G was cousins with my good friends Andrew and Anthony who went to school with my brothers. Their mum would look after us when we moved to my dads… that’s later.

My break times at school were usually spent doing a small number of things.

  1. Hanging around with the Pauls and Luke.
  2. going to the library
  3. Going to my dads
  4. Hanging around with Sarah

Now a lot of rubbish home stuff went on in ’96. The long and short of it is that we ended up at my dads and moved into a house together in 1997. My mum and Steve ended, we went to this dodgy house in Whitworth Road, and for a short time lived with a man who drove an Austin Princess who had a dog that was constantly sick in the car.

This stuff may be why I don’t have much memories about late 1996, 1997 and 1998…but what has been bugging me the most is what I did in school. I had a problem with routines that I found to be boring… along with having difficulty learning in certain lessons. Turns out I had dyslexia and am a visual learner so was in bottom set in a lot of classes.

But I know it wasn’t all bad. There’s a few songs that I associate with school. Donna Lewis – I love you always forever is one… but one reminds me of someone.

Pulp – Disco 2000. It’s a great song. Remember my Number 4 on the lunchtime list? I remember when this song was in the charts, and talking to Sarah about this song and because we’d finish school in the year 2000, it was a bit weird. It stuck with me. Turns out that I left the school in 1999 after being expelled for truancy.

I spent a lot of time with Sarah in school. I wouldn’t say she was a popular girl in school, I wasn’t popular either, but it never mattered to me. We sat together in most classes. She showed me her t-shirt in Maths once under her normal shirt. She was good company, and I remember times with her being fun, but I don’t know the kind of person I was… Was I a total dickhead? Was I kind of smart? Was I an idiot? Does she have good memories of us mucking about in lessons? To be honest none of us knew it but she was my best friend at school, and I didn’t know that until I didn’t get to see her any more. Recently after listening to that Pulp song I’ve wondered how she is. I know she didn’t have the best times either growing up, but I was lucky and recently it’s bothered me that she might not be OK… but I dunno why.

The thing is, I know what we were like but can’t actually remember certain events. Like sitting at the front in most classes, always being science partners. Things come back every so often, usually with stuff from home creeping in that I’d rather forget. I just feel sad that we lost touch and has gotten to me recently. I hope she’s not dead or something.

Ok maybe death is a bit deep. I don’t even have any pictures from those days. Anyway the thing is, I feel like I have some gaps to fill in.

The twist? I AM in 1885.

 

Nightttttt

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