Predictions 2018


Ohh look! After, what, 9 months I’ve decided to do a blog! What goes on? Well…

(How about that as a nod to the old blog)

I’ll be doing a proper blog either later or in a few days but basically this year has been a ball bag of sh*t. Not all of it, but majority has been so rubbishy – the highlights include being evicted for no reason other than the landlord was a cock… Our first Hedgehog died, financial struggles (which I’m glad to report are sorting out) and there has been a bunch of unfortunate family events in between. I’m sure I will do more blogging on this as I’m going to make an effort on it this year.

So each year (other than last year… I seemed to skip that one for some reason so technically they carried over) I do a prediction of events for the coming year. So far unsuccessful predictions included:

  • Take that and Five will join forces to create Take Five, and will go on tour for 6 months (2016)
  • Beaker from the Muppets will be knighted (2014)
  • Ronnie Corbet sneezes out his sense of humour and a number of other defunct organs during a massive sneeze attack at a slipper shop (2011)
  • Danni Harmer (Off Tracy Beaker) will have a slot on top gear.
  • Bay City Rollers will get another number 1 this year. (2016)
  • Aliens make contact with a girl. She thinks it is her dolly talking (2014)
  • John Lithgow (Dick Soloman Soloman in “Third Rock From The Sun” and Lord Farquar from Shrek) stars in a new BBC sitcom “Harry and the Devil”. Lithgow plays ‘The Devil’ on her shoulder that only co-star Dani Harmer (Off Tracy Beaker) , can see and hear. (2011)
  • One Direction will have the number 1 at Christmas (2016) (It was Clean Bandit)

And Successfully:

  • Another celebrity that everyone loves is charged with a bad sexual thing (2016)
  • Someone very famous will unexpectedly die (2014) – Bob Hoskins, Rik Mayhall, Richard Attenborough
  • And forgot to post this video in regards to one of the predictions. (2016)

So what are this years predictions?

1) Famous Flipped

A famous will be outed as actually doing something good, and the right wing newspapers  flip it around to sound like something bad.

2) Real Americans

Donald Trump causes more of a stur by ensuring all the “genuine” Americans are the only ones that stay in america and anyone else who were not born in America or anyone who has a mother or father, or grand parents born in america in the last 70 years will be told to go back to their own country. Hulk Hogan will also join Trump’s cabinet to show what a real American can do.

3) Bling Ben

So Big Ben is in the process of being pimped out… or at least that is what is REALLY happening. Big Ben was set to have some restoration work done to it but due to a mistake by one of the decorators made and because of an over ambitious work experience kid keen to impress, they made some booboos that couldn’t be hidden. This inspired other artists to get involved and Improve the monument. The clock face was sold to Apple and they converted it into a giant apple watch. The features include the Queens Speech being broadcast on the clock face, regular messages during unimportant times and a smart way of making the bells inside the clock tower being used as speakers. The tower will be fully lit with blue and pink neon lights, along with being fitted with chrome stripes.

4) Celebrity Escalator death

The BBC air a new TV show for saturday nights and one of the ideas was to do a Generation game type celebrity activity game. On one occasion live on TV though, tragedy strikes. One challenge was to do a dance using escalators, however when it was time for a former bake off contestant’s go, the escalator falls into itself leaving the contestent hanging on to the side, being chewed up and the judges screaming saying it’s not part if the show.

5) A proper famous will join the Shadow Cabinet

I know Eddie Izzard technically is involved with Labour and consider him a proper famous, but he was against Corbyn. This addition will be a full on Corbyn supporter and SHE will end up being one of the major players in Corbyn’s (and then Emily Thornberry’s) government. (Corbyn will take power at some point over the next 5 years but will ensure stuff has started and retire on a high)

6) We really want to see that Danni

After taking a break from entertainment to focus on family and ting… Danni returns to the TV screens as team captain on a new series of Shooting Stars. This will also return Vic and Bob as the hosts and Ed Gamble as a new team Captain.

7) 24 hour cinemas

As someone who works in a cinema (this will be news to you… I will explain later) i can see the impracticalities of certain things. For instance the opening and closing of shops and it’s equipment can get rather monotonous, especially when you have to say, close a cinema at 12pm or some cases at 3am, to open at 9am again. Plus not everyone can catch a showing of Star Wars at 8:45pm… the solution? The 6am showing for those early risers. You could watch a flick before work or school and would be fuel to water cooler conversations.

8) Donald Trumped

US president Donald Trump will be impeached… and the evidence will be very interesting. Some of it will be that Trump has a very unique smell when HE trumps. It’s down to the amount of gold he eats with his dinner prepared by world famous chefs and his trademark smell, which turns out to be 30% old spice, 60% stale Brut, and the rest is piss. It turns out that his smell was detected by smell detectors held by spies in Russia, and because his smell hangs around for so long thanks to the piss, his pungent smell was still smellable in various rooms at the Kremlin.

9) Tony Blair in for a dare

Tony Blair, the political wank stain that just won’t wash off announces that he will be launching a new political party and nicks off with some old friends and big names from his old times. This will turn out to be one big rubishy thing that comes of nothing and everyone retires from it, but it’s one of the ploys to try and stop Corbyn from getting into government.

10) Camay makes a comeback

camay

The oldskool soap becomes some what of an iconic bathroom essential in 2018. It’s not really known why but this along with some other shitty things comes back.

11) (YEAH A BONUS ONE!!!) Channel 4 – The new home of classic gameshows

Give Us A clue and other classic game shows start finding a new home on Channel 4. These include the Wheel of Fortune, and that big game where it’s a big computer screen hosted by David “Diddy” Hamleton. This comes after the success of “The Price Is Right” being on the channel for the new year.

Right… So I’m planning on doing this more often. Maybe not daily but near on daily. Happy new yearrr!!!

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