Monthly Archives: December 2005

Gotta Bunk… L8rz! – The Aftermath

Last Saturday, Jonk is busy sighing out after work. Someone else is taking their time signing out. thingie and doodah shout for jonk to hurry up. Caroline is going back to his that night as well and is waiting for him. However, thingie, doodah and a few others run to the taxi waiting for them all, they get in and doodah and thingie tells the driver to drive off leaving Caroline and jonk at work.

Jonk tells dale that they went without them.

Thursday, the following week, jonk discovers that thingie and doodah had on purposely gone without him and caroline. The next day after work, Jonk waits for thingie at work till he comes back, so he doesn’t leave them behind in the taxi. When they get back, they all wait 10 minutes for the taxis to come. They arrive, and jonk gets up, with someone following behind. However someone else has ran to the taxi before them. Thingie shouts at Jonathan when the taxi goes without them, although jonk isn’t the one who caused them to miss the taxi, as the other 2 people they were going to get the taxi with was standing with jonk at the time they realized they had all missed the taxi, and thingie was the only one there.

Jonk gets shouted at “Is there something wrong in your head that goes, uhhh taxi, uhhhh I better get in that” Jonk shouts “Are you blind or something, u were the only one by the taxi. We were all in the same place, u was the only one getting in after every one else got in” Thingie shouts “Why didn’t u get in it, u made us miss it” jonk says”So these two weren’t nest to me too?” Thingie cant answer and trys to make excuses, jonk goes in and calls another taxi with thingie screaming at him to get in the taxi.

there is a clear point I would like to make out just in case this is pointed out. When me and Caroline left thingie and doodah that night when they went into the booze shop, a taxi had not been arranged or called, Thingie and doodah had fucked them around about going to 2 pubs and not having anything, This was not at work. Jonk and Caroline running to the pub was a different situation. Running off in an arranged taxi, paid for by work which they were all to catch is a different situation.

I believe this is done all in the name of jealousy, as things have been pointed out to jonk recently of what the reasons of stupidness of others could be, and a possibility of something else.

Jonk does not condone jealousy

Jonk does not condone the Taxi incident

Jonk does not condone attempted bullying at work

Jonk Does not condone Dick heads who are big headed assholes

Ok so from now on, on this blog I shall try and spell everything correctly by running it through the spell checker a few times when possible. That’s because i’ve been complimented a fair few people about my writing technique. i’ve counted about 3 people now. i was told my secret blog site sounds like i was writing poems.

Oh Yeah! i remember! How do u make a duck groan?? Put him in the microwave

Ok, if you’ve read the buzy night at jaks post, and red the reply, rich said:People copied your dancing !!!!!— I seen you dance and I laughed.

So lets remember some events of that night.>>>>>>>

It was a saturday evening in december, 2004, about 11pm. Jonk and rich had been in Edwards, in swindon for an hour. As usual, jonk had ran out of money and owed rich thousends of drinks. All of a sudden, we bump into Cally who we used to work with at a radio station (That dosent want to be named) who was bar staff there.

Jonk and rich are slightly drunk at this point. Jonathan dosent dance, so he was just standing around. Rich pulls him away to have a word with him “Why dont you dance??” says rich. “Because i dont” jonk says. Rich looks at him odd and says “We int gonna pull if you dont dance” and says something else, but couldnt hear him over the music (And my ears were fucked).

they then go for a dance and drink about 3 more drinks. Rich sees jonk dancing and has a giggle and punches him a few times in the stomach. Jonk is confused, figuring rich has had way too much to drink he goes on the other side of the dance floor. They then go up stairs to have a look around and it snows a little bit outside. Rich is sat next to this woman, but he is more interested in the snow. She is telling a joke. Rich picks up the punch line and starts telling every1 the punch line of the joke and says its snowing. Rich also tells a joke he heard but has messed it up.

“How do you make a duck Groan? Put him in the microwave” (The original joke being “how do you make a duck into a soul star? Put him in the microwave and is bill withers”)

People look at him weird. we go down stairs and rich mentions to various women it was snowing, but its stopped now. They go for a bit more of a dance and at 2 Edwards closed. They then go to the train station. but rich dosent know where he is. Jonk does but suggests they find their way from various objects like the bin, and the tree, and the charity shop. A police man watches and smiles like he’s being entertained. they make it to flemming way eventually. but they are stuck, there is a small metal fence on flemming way in the middle, and is too far to walk around. Jonk climbs over it and falls off as his balance is fucked from the alcohol. Jonk crosses the road and rich gets over the fence slowley. They get to the train ststion for a taxi, and rich treds on this womans foot twice. When jonk gets home he sees ben and is sick in the back garden

Where’s Uncle Bob Gone??

Ok, so bob, my uncle and Mad Landlord goes on holiday loads or just likes to scarper off to places unknown.

So, just for fun. i want you to be a “Bob Spotter” If you See Bob, or someone who looks like bob, Give me an email to and if so, a picture. I want to see if we have any genuine spots of bob, and even if not, i’d like to see what i get and i’l put it on the website im making.


here are some pictures of the real bob

Busy Night At Jaks!

So we had a staff meeting sunday, and most of us ended up at jaks at the end of the nite.

I’d like to point out that this photo was taken 5 minits after the doors opened, and wasnt like this all night.

The day started with every1 turning up at work shattered as we all got home about 6am, and had to be bak at work at1.

After we went to various other pubs till about 6 when most of us dispanded and the others (Including me and caroline) waited at the cell (Pictured left below, when it was pitchers) till 9 oclock with interludes at the goose, KFC and Mcdonalds, then back at the cell. Thingie Also showed up and doodah was coming anyway. There was also some Twat who kept following us from cell to goose, bak to cell and jaks… apperently he knew thingie and wanted to come with us, but we didnt want him because he was acting a nob and being too loud, we’d of got thrown out cos of him. when we got to jaks. we had a word wiv the doorstaff cos we work for the same company, and we were pretty sure he’d taken something, he looked stoned, and pissed so he got chucked out.

So we stayed out till Jaks closed at 2am. i did a bit of danceing. People trying to copy me, I was just making it up as i went along. Went bak so Didgers house with his girlfriend with thingie and doodah and Caroline, With them ending up taking the piss again but this time out Didgers hospitality, and his girlfriend, id planned a runnaway plan but wasnt needed. all left didgers for 5 mins and me and caroline came bak and stayed there till 11am. didnt sleep much but wen we did we woke up a bit late. i was still shattered from dancing and as usual, no hang over from the 15 drinks.

Well most of the day me and caroline went back to mine, i had to go out for a bit, and when we gor back we had a 3 hour pillow fite. i was propper nackered. in the end she had to go home (Unfortunatly for me) and i didnt sleep till 4am today. im propper nacked still cos my whole body is aching.

I am propper fucked

Just read this from msn website today

“Modest alcohol consumption ‘reduces obesity’
Modest drinking can potentially reduce obesity levels, according to a study by US researchers. The scientists analysed the results of 8,236 non-smoker respondents in the US National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey III and found that those who drank small amounts of alcohol regularly were less likely to be obese than those that did not drink at all.

The study by US scientists Ahmed Arif, from Texas tech university health sciences centre in Lubbock, and James Rohrer, from Mayo Clinic, Rochester, is published in the journal BMC Public Health. It shows that consuming no more than a drink or two a few times a week reduces the risk of being obese. However, the research also suggests that consuming four or more drinks a day increases the risk of being obese by 46 per cent, compared with non-drinkers. According to the study, current drinkers had 0.73 lower chances of being obese than non-drinkers. “

“The authors concluded that “the data gave no evidence to advise non-drinkers to start drinking alcohol just for reducing body weight”. However, they also noted: “The evidence reported here argues against a strategy of promoting complete abstention at least among those who regularly consume alcohol.”

— Back to me now. Ok well that’s all good and well, but couldn’t this all just be a coincidence? And! Who has 4 or more drinks of alcohol a day?? I’d say an alcoholic, I disagree that drinking every day is healthy. I suppose they are talking about “Social Drinkers” not the ones that go to nightclubs, get hammered, act wankers and cause trouble.

Funky New Camcorder

Happy wiv this. i got me an Camcorder also today. i put about £10 a week on this camera @ cash converters and paid the rest off today. More better than the other ones i had, this one has colour screen on the view finder (Im still in old technology) but is is funky… just got to find somthin to do with it.


i got me a brand new phone today. On contract (Which is odd of me) i only walked into the shop to enquire, and ended up agreeing to it then and there. You may be aware (If you have seen the post “Leave me alone” from Wednesday, September 14, 2005 that phone companys from hot forigen places kept calling me askin if i wanted a contract fone and me telling them to leave me alone, and if i was interested i would of called them. Well i went to vodafone and asked them

I chose vodafone cos im on pay as u go with them. And even though i was with vodafone, and probably a loyal customer to them, i had started to get fed up with the pay as u go thing as they have thought of a dumb way to top up now, something to do with getting voice or text packages. I didnt like the idea after i topped up using it by accident, and realising i cant make fone calls. I had 12 p left on my phone, and never used it. I also had 2 txt messages on my pack left. then the next day they took my money and said i had 3 txts and no credit, about 4 hours later (Hadnt sent any txts) all my txts were gone. I challenged vodafone and they said:

“I can confirm that you last purchased a £5.00 text pack on the 24th October.Please note that this text pack is valid for 30 days and entitles you to 70 text messages. Please note that you are unable to apply a new text pack until 24th November.”

This i wasnt bothered about, and i did ask them about my credit loss, but i did not hear anything about this in my email. There wasnt even a “You must of been mistaken” or, “We have researched” or “we can confurm u used the allotted text messages appropriatly” or anything, they just shunned them. i wasnt lookin 4 an argument, i was askin them where my txts and credit went…. i still got a contract fone tho

Bar Wars

A long long time ago, in a night club far away (Depending where you are) there was 2 new starters. Jonk entured coliseum, not knowing where it would take him. A week after, another guy (We’l call him colin) Named colin came to work. For 6 months Jonk and colin worked hard, untill, Behold. PHAROES! AKA – V.I.P Bar. for weeks, Jonk anc colin had been on rotation with (We’l call her lauren) Lauren and colin, on the 3 days the club was open a week, with Jonk and Colin sharing rotation on Sports bar (The mainstreet equivelant to pharoes, Taken By – we’l call him Gavin), However, jonk and colin both want pharoes.

One week, Colin comes into work, bandaged up, and requests to work in the dredded cloakroom. Jonk is put on pharoes bar, and then put on forall 3 days and is to stay on pharoes untill colin is better, however just as colin gets better… He has to pull out of the battle of pharoes, as he is leaving to focus on his new job. Sucess, jonkie takes pharoes BUT,BUT,BUT…

A day later the rotas are handed out. As usual and to no suprise, Lauren is on the bar, Followed by jonk on thursday, and shock horror… (We’l call him) DANNY! Jonk is confused to where he is, and by anger, finds himself in the dredded cloakroom. He is confused why he has been sent to the coliseums verson of the naughty corner, as he’s been a good boy, and has had good results on the bar, and is in outrage that he’s been put in cloaks.

Jonk is now has a choice, Stay in wars with danny for pharoe’s, Or set his sights on bigger things, but intill someone whos established themself on a bar leaves, Jonk is to battle pharoe’s (Lauren has her own bar, so isnt exaxtly in the race).

Will The Bar wars Continue??? Tune in on this exciting episonde of…..



According to my girlfriend caroline, the busses (According to todays paper) Will be on strike tomorrow. This causes me to be confused. Has the paper got it wrong, or was the bus station lyeing yesterday. It had on the Changy thing that tells u when ur bus comes said at the bottom “Strike action planned for friday has been canciled” Today it dont say that on the changy bit.

I have stuff to do. Cant Metro just put big signs up and just keep them there so people can see it.